adventure

Fairy Tale by Stephen King – Book Review

by

There are other worlds than these

Fairy Tale by Stephen King – Book cover

Okay, we already know this. Especially Stephen King readers, considering you just have to think of the Dark Tower series, which delves into this theme partially. King has likely written every kind of book by now. However, a fairy tale hasn’t emerged from his witch’s kitchen yet. Until now. Although the fourth installment of the aforementioned series (The Wind Through the Keyhole) comes pretty close. And while it’s typical in the works of the American master for fundamentally unrelated universes to intertwine, it’s not questionable that with a fairy tale, you need to venture into another world. Well, if you can bear with it until then.

Thorough preparation for the unknown

Roughly one-third of Stephen King’s heavyweight Fairy Tale is just the introduction. What other authors accomplish in twenty pages, he generously multiplies by ten. (Perhaps even half would be MORE than enough.) Of course, when it comes to him, this is a forgivable offense. If someone can write so captivatingly about a grumpy old man and his decrepit, old dog, then there’s nothing to do but read on. Especially since King continuously piques your curiosity. And the slow-starting friendship between the old man harboring mythical secrets and the well-meaning, penance-prepared Charlie Reade is also hindered by numerous difficulties and vile villains.

To pave a direct path from the acquaintance of Mr. Bowditch and Charlie to another world, some authorial assistance doesn’t hurt. This thing has a name. It’s called: Radar. Who happens to be a dog.

Read more

The Witcher – The First Three Seasons – Series Review

by
The Witcher series poster

Andrzej Sapkowski, the Polish fantasy author, has incredibly good luck. Actually, he has two strokes of luck. His overwritten, rambling, and disjointed “Witcher” series first inspired a successful role-playing game, and then Netflix decided to give a shot to the magic-supported, mutant monster hunter, Geralt of Rivia. Sapkowski and the subscribers of the streaming platform couldn’t have been luckier. (Maybe just a tiny bit luckier.)

Because the claim applies to Sapkowski just as much as it does to the renowned sci-fi writer Kilgore Trout*: his ideas are good, but his style is terrible. However, the Netflix series cleverly pruned away what was unnecessary and kept the rest. “The Witcher” builds a twisting, exciting, and unique medieval world, full of great heroes, magic, adventures, and plenty of emotional highs. At least in the first season.

Season 1: The Witcher Starts with a Full Swing

The books’ occasionally fairy-tale-like twists barely make an appearance here; the striga reverting to human upon hearing a rooster’s crow, and the genie fulfilling three wishes remain, but let’s not be greedy.

The series, however, excels in many aspects where the Polish author falls short. The perpetually mournful Geralt, constantly sulking in the books, is nowhere to be found; instead, we have a laconic, endlessly cynical yet still feeling hero. Henry Cavill was truly born to play a Witcher. The paper-based version’s silly and dim-witted Dandelion, whom you’d rather smack with his own lute incessantly, has transformed into a charming and lovable rogue. And Yennefer… well, we all know what powerful sorceresses are like. Yennefer in the series is just as arrogant and insufferable but also a sexy beast. Moreover, some of the most emotional scenes in the early episodes are tied to her. Of course, this required the creators to thoroughly and perhaps somewhat unjustifiably alter the timeline of the books’ plot.

Read more

Sleeping Beauties by Stephen King & Owen King – Book Review

by
Sleeping Beauties by Stephen King & Owen King – Book Cover

I’ll admit, among all kinds of books, I’m particularly drawn to the hefty ones. Luckily for me, one of my favorite authors, Stephen King, has a bit of a reputation for being verbose, so he often treats us to some heavy-weight works. In Sleeping Beauties, the master storyteller, with the help of his eager son Owen, explores what might happen if all women suddenly fell asleep. Permanently.

Even just imagining it is terrifying!

Who would cook? Who would do the laundry? Who would clean up after that? I sure wouldn’t, that’s for damn sure. Not to mention, lesbian porn as a standalone art form would simply cease to exist!!!

Sleeping Beauties Is a Bit Bland

King (and diligent Owen) don’t explore this traumatic aspect of the premise in their joint work, Sleeping Beauties. Instead, they paint a broad, sweeping picture, centering the events around a small town and its women’s prison. It kicks off with a massive cast of characters, much like Under the Dome, and as in that novel, the story’s strength seems to dissipate and slowly leak away among all these characters. (Except, let’s face it, Under the Dome becomes a total snoozefest around page 70. This book, thankfully, doesn’t reach that level.)

Seasoned King readers, however, will likely feel that Sleeping Beauties falls below the usual standard. It’s as if Stephen King had his diligent son Owen subtracted from him by some mathematical equation. What’s left feels slightly sterile, stripped of the intense energy and deep characterizations typical of King. It’s almost as bare as a screenplay – if you were to turn it into a series, it wouldn’t take too much effort.

Uh, And Where’s the EVIL?!

In The Stand, the transition from normalcy to the post-apocalypse happens right at the beginning of the book. Here, the whole book is about that transition, the gradual slipping away into sleep. I won’t say that the highlighted characters (the upstanding Norcross family members) don’t carry it somewhat, but I also can’t say that all this drama (with some spousal squabbling and a complete lack of capital-letter EVIL) is particularly exciting or gripping.

One thing that does stand out, though, is how much calmer life on Earth would be if women took charge of everything from here on out. No arms race, no war, no worries—maybe just a bit more gossip, and that’s all. (Okay, by that logic, it would be great if the entire government packed up and left immediately, leaving only Kamala Harris and the other chicks behind! Hmm, wait a second. Never mind. Never mind!)

And locked away, yet still carefree,
Beams Eve, offspring of a big tree.

Wait, what?

No Need to Get Excited

Indeed, the catalyst of Sleeping Beauties, the Wooden Lady, aka Evie Black, enters the scene as an Omniscient Bee, an infallible oracle & Terminator, instantly removing any stakes from the start. So there’s no true dramatic clash, or if there is, it’s minuscule and entirely predictable from a mile away. (In case you still don’t get the hint, Evie helpfully spells it out halfway through the book for Dr. Norcross – and thus, for you, too – what the whole game is about. Thanks a lot, Owen, that was a brilliant idea of yours, saving us from any unnecessary suspense or thrills.)

Sleeping Beauties Is a Decent Piece of Craftsmanship

However, before completely ruining everyone’s appetite for this decent piece of work, let’s acknowledge that scene by scene, the book actually works. Despite the overwritten bits, the dragging pace, and the excess of unnecessary characters, Sleeping Beauties manages to keep you hooked because it’s packed with tiny conflicts, mini-stories within the story that, out of sheer curiosity, you just have to know the answers to, or that are simply engaging. What’s more, they’re mixed and paced so skillfully that they carry you through to the big finale – which, interestingly enough, turns out much blander and more boring than the drawn-out buildup.

The same paradox is present in the most unnecessary subplot – the Griner brothers’ antics, which add absolutely nothing meaningful to the whole, yet they’re the most entertaining and most “King-like” part of the book. It really seems like Dad pitched in the most here – if he didn’t write these few, darkly humorous scenes by himself. Plus, of course, he slapped his name on the cover, boosting sales for his kid’s benefit. The rest of the book was likely churned out by young Owen.

Let’s Paint the Whole Thing Green!

And Owen King is clearly a harbinger of new times. You’re not sure right away if his work is a feminist manifesto or more of a Greenpeace-style warning finger. But whichever it may be, you can’t deny there’s a need for it.

Therefore, the blog editorial team hereby awards Sleeping Beauties the Green Piece Prize, newly established this very minute (complete with a Gaia Theory Medal). Winning these is an impressive feat on its own, but if reading this book prevents even one single tough guy from giving his missus a well-deserved smack, or… oh, never mind, let’s leave it at that.

Rating: 7.7/10

Sleeping Beauties by Stephen King & Owen King
702 pages, Hardcover
Published in 2017 by Scribner
—
You also may be interested:
Fairy Tale by Stephen King
—
UPDATE:
The Green Piece Award is being retroactively granted to
Gun Island and
Earthly Remains as well.

Lancelot by Giles Kristian – Book Review

by
Lancelot by Giles Kristian – Book Cover

Giles Kristian deftly plucks Lancelot from the famous Arthurian legends and makes him the star of his own story. And why not? Lancelot is the bravest knight of the cycle, so he fits well at the heart of numerous battles, and, not to mention, he even wins the heart of King Arthur’s queen, guaranteeing both romantic drama and other conflicts.

Pure Emotions and a Dirty Dark Ages

Kristian devotes a surprisingly large portion of the book to Lancelot’s childhood, and you’d think it would make for a yawn-fest since, really, what excitement could there be in a future hero’s early years? But it completely proves you wrong. The early chapters are no less captivating than his more significant adult years. In fact, it’s the opposite. The thrill is there right from the beginning, as Guinevere appears on the island where Lancelot is raised, sparking feelings, followed by Merlin, the most renowned of druids, who amps up the tension.

Kristian skillfully brings the legend down to earth, stripping away almost all its mysticism and magic. (If there is any enchantment, it’s likely just a clever sleight of hand.) The legendary figures (or at least their names) do make an appearance, but in a much more grounded, human way, surrounded by all the filth and grime of the medieval world.

Read more

Mad by Chloé Esposito – Book Review

by
Mad by Chloé Esposito – Book Cover

Chloé Esposito’s book screams “girly nonsense” from a mile away. “Chick lit”— it gently implies that we’re not exactly dealing with the pinnacles of literary achievement here. So, what’s it doing on this SOPHISTICATED blog, you ask? That is mad! Fate must have had it in for me when the second volume of this esteemed trilogy landed in my hands. I skimmed through, and bam!—a line popped out at me: something, well, very sexual. Alas, I can’t remember a single word of it.

So, Mad promises an unusual and unpredictable adventure (since I don’t normally read this kind of nonsense) in my frenzied search for that lucky sentence—a quest that doubles as an opportunity to write a nice, snarky review. Let’s go!

Chloé Esposito: Grandmaster of Character Building!

Then, what happens? Right from the start of Mad, you’re face-to-face with a MASTERCLASS in character building! In the first two chapters, here’s what we learn about our heroine, the lovely Alvina: she’s lazy, messy, irresponsible, shallow, jealous, greedy, selfish, a drunk, and promiscuous. Oh, and she’s a pyromaniac too! On the other side of the scales? Just two lonely items: she likes to read and writes haikus. Truly a joy, this kind of protagonist.

One more surprise awaits you with Esposito’s book: humor. I’m not really the laugh-out-loud type, but I laughed out loud three times while reading the first two chapters. And twice more in the third. It’s all like a stand-up comedy mixed with a big dose of silliness.

A Romance Novel with a Sociopathic Heroine

That’s about where the good news ends. And where the intro of Mad wraps up. After that, I didn’t laugh anymore, and you probably won’t either, even though similar jokes pop up here and there. The main reason is that it becomes glaringly obvious that Alvina, besides her lovely attributes listed above, is also a sociopath, with the emotional intelligence of a nine-year-old. Armed with this mindset and a 28-centimeter vibrator, affectionately called “Mr. Dick,” she arrives in Taormina to see her rich, successful twin sister. Who promptly asks her to switch identities with her. Wow, never saw that twist coming!

From this point on, Mad is just another airy trifle. Longing for luxury items and charming Italian men. Obligatory sex scenes with partners’ growing penis sizes. (Thankfully, at least, there’s some restraint shown here—not in terms of sizes, but in that there are only about four or five of these scenes, and they’re not overwritten.)

Is Killing Fun? Sure Thing

Then another element enters the mix and takes over: the completely implausible thriller aspect (Cosa Nostra & murders), whose impact dissolves in seconds due to Alvina’s kindergarten-level approach to events. At one point in the plot, our noble heroine decides she wants to be a hitman because it sounds like fun.

And what do you think about a romantic novel whose main character is a sociopath? If you think sociopaths aren’t exactly the romantic type, you’d be spot-on! This is how you write a book that’s also an unintentionally bad parody of itself.

So why stick it out to the end?

1, Damned curiosity.

2, The author constantly tries to explain why Mad’s protagonist, Alvina is the way she is, and at the beginning, to your surprise, it sort of works, and you feel a bit of sympathy for her. But not for very long…

So, why did she turn out the way she did? Why?! Mostly because of that lousy baby formula!

Rating: 6/10

Mad (Mad Trilogy #1) by Chloé Esposito
336 pages, Hardcover
Published in 2017 by Dutton
—
UPDATE:
Curiosity got the better of me, and I skimmed the second book, Bad, which immediately demolishes any trace of coherence left in the story with a twist that renders the previous book’s ending meaningless. The quality dips further (5/10), so I never did find out what that intriguing sentence was. If anyone has plowed through the sequel and still has usable brain cells, kindly post the book’s SEXIEST line here for me.

Locke & Key: Master Edition, Volume Three by Joe Hill – Gabriel Rodriguez – Comic Book Review

by
Locke & Key: Master Edition, Volume Two by Joe Hill – Gabriel Rodriguez – Comic Book Cover

A Stunning Finale at Breakneck Speed

The grand finale. No dragging things out. (In case you were hoping for more installments.) But perhaps that’s for the best, because in the previous volume, while not excessively, Locke & Key did slow down a bit when the focus shifted to everyday teenage problems. Well, there’s none of that here. Not a single panel is wasted. The conclusion hurtles forward at breakneck speed, right up to the final frames.

You start in 1775, discovering how and why Ben Locke created the keys. Then, instead of immediately stashing them in a very dark place where no one would ever find them, you jump to 1988 to find out what his descendant, Rendell—the father of the Locke kids—messed up. Now, in the present, it’s up to the kids to fix his mistakes, though it will come at a great personal cost.

The Necessary Level of Acceptance

Joe Hill is absolutely a 21st-century, deeply politically correct author. Alongside the dizzying pace of his graphic novel’s plot, he also makes sure to sensitively highlight the importance of accepting others, whether that involves race, sexual orientation, or disabilities. His father must be very proud of him from a parenting perspective. And maybe Hill feels the same about his father, the great Stephen King, given the respectful nods, like the homage to the infamous scene in Carrie.

Read more

Sword of Destiny by Andrzej Sapkowski – Book Review

by
Sword of Destiny by Andrzej Sapkowski – Book Cover

Monster Slaying in a Not-So-Original World

The best thing about the second installment of Sapkowski’s Witcher series is that you can decide whether you want to continue reading right after the first two short stories. This is because the very first story in Sword of Destiny is, to put it bluntly, the weakest one, almost like an unintentional parody of itself. The second story, on the other hand, is the best, tying for first place with the last one.

Andrzej Sapkowski’s method remains the same as in the first book (see The Last Wish). The Witcher roams a rather unoriginal fantasy world, encounters various monsters and mythical creatures, while a cheering crowd behind him urges him to chop them up as quickly as possible. And the Witcher? Well, sometimes he chops them up, and sometimes he doesn’t.

Wait, Is This a Children’s Story?!

Unfortunately, the fairy-tale stereotypes once again drag Sapkowski’s book down. In the stories of Sword of Destiny, dragons hoard treasures in their caves. Okay, that was fine in The Lord of the Rings, but a few decades have passed since then. Even if we accept the premise that a dragon, this mindless beast, would first rob a few wealthy citizens before devouring them, then pack the stolen jewels into a purse with its paws—excuse me, claws—and haul them back to its cave, then sort them by carat value with a magnifying glass perched on its snout… it’s still a bit much to swallow that this monster can speak. And eloquently as fuck, at that…

Read more

Tripwire by Lee Child – Book Review

by
Tripwire by Lee Child – Book Cover

Major Reacher in Top Form!

Attention Reacher fans! This installment of the series stands out in two key ways from the major’s usual (though hardly ordinary) adventures.

First: Our protagonist is in the best shape of his life in Tripwire. He’s packing in 10,000 calories a day and has gained a whopping 20 kilos of muscle. (He’s digging like a machine, after all.) So, woe to any villains who cross his path! Except, of course, if nature calls while he’s dealing with one. Along with all those calories, he’s downing a full ten liters of mineral water every day. (By the 23rd book in the series, Past Tense, there’s still no sign of overworked kidneys, so we can assume the major kicked this harmful habit.)

But does it bother me one bit if he might have a few, let’s say, accidents now and then? Not in the slightest! I’ve made it clear before that Major Reacher is my ultimate role model (see: Die Trying).

Major Reacher in Love!

Second: Our favourite detective is in love! And this isn’t some fleeting infatuation that anyone might experience over a pretty face or a shapely leg. It’s a long-standing emotion reawakened. It’s certainly unusual to see the major, who’s used to women falling at his feet, intoxicated by his rugged charm (which, let’s face it, is totally understandable), showing such vulnerability.

Read more

The Ruin of Kings by Jenn Lyons – Book Review

by
The Ruin of Kings by Jenn Lyons – Book Cover

Exciting Opening with a Talking Dragon

Jenn Lyons’ book The Ruin of Kings begins with an exciting premise: we have a hero who isn’t going to save the world, but rather tear it apart like a kid with a piñata. At least, if the prophecies are to be believed. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves; if we’re counting correctly, this won’t happen until about 2100 pages later. Assuming the next two volumes turn out to be similarly hefty bricks. (Yep, exactly that.)

You’ll notice from the very first pages that the story in The Ruin of Kings is densely woven, as is typical of high fantasy, with an incredibly detailed background world. Almost every page includes some integral piece of background information seamlessly integrated into the text. The story is teeming with gods, mages, demons, and dragons, but fortunately, Jenn Lyons’ writing doesn’t suffer from any excessive magical antics. Magic is barely used, and the author’s commendable restraint ensures that the result doesn’t come off as ridiculous.

Oh, and there’s a talking dragon too. Yes, those don’t always turn out well. Somehow, though, it doesn’t come across as a major issue here.

Read more

Monstress, Vol. 2: The Blood by Marjorie Liu – Sana Takeda – Comic Book Review

by
Monstress, Vol. 2: The Blood by Marjorie Liu - Sana Takeda - Comic Book Cover

Stunningly Complex World

It’s rare to find a work where saving the world is at stake, yet it doesn’t quickly devolve into a predictable and monotonous clash between good and evil. Fortunately, that’s not the case in Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda’s Monstress series (and its second volume titled The Blood).

The world of Monstress is so intricately complex that, for now, you have no idea who needs saving from whom. Arcanics, humans, ancients, gods, and cats!—each has their own goals, and amidst this intricate web of relationships, Maika Halfwolf, with her ever-decreasing body mass, pushes forward, knee-deep in blood, seeking answers to many tormenting questions. Such as: Is it good for you if a ravenous monster is awakening inside you? Or: How beneficial is it for your mental health if you’ve been trained to be a killer since early childhood?

(In the long run, probably not at all, but if someone messes with you in a thyrrian ruin-pub, both can come in handy.)

All of this is covered in the continuation of the blog’s highest-rated (8.7/10) and most beautifully executed work to date (see Monstress – The Awakening, Vol. 1).

Read more