Killing Gunther (2017) – Film Review

Killing Gunther (2017) movie poster

Blake, the assassin, decides, for reasons incomprehensible to himself and everyone else, decides to kill Gunther, the coolest hitman. To tackle the big job, he assembles a team of additional hitmen.

However, everyone in the team is an idiot. Or a loser. Or both an idiot and a loser. Not in a funny way, mind you, but in a lame way. And it’s quite satisfying to your soul when Gunther starts taking them out one by one. You just can’t fathom why he doesn’t throw (yet another one) grenade among them to end the whole mess.

Then, when the great Gunther finally appears in his full glory, you understand why. Damn, because Gunther himself is a sick bastard.

The movie feels like a copy of “What We Do in the Shadows” only with hitmen instead of bloodsuckers. (Although the vampire version starts much better than this movie, it’s even more nauseating, and it causes genuine mental pain to watch. Funny thing is, many IGNORANT PEOPLE claim it’s one of the best comedies of all time. Well, what a huge piece of nonsense!)

We only laughed at a single joke with Tiny M (and make no mistake, we genuinely laughed out loud). This happened at 15 minutes and 21 seconds, but by then, it seemed already clear that it was the friggin last time during Taran Killam’s film.

4/10

Killing Gunther (2017), action, comedy, thriller (IMDb)
Director: Taran Killam, Stars: Taran Killam, Hannah Simone, Arnold Schwarzenegger

Doctor Strange (2016) – Film – Review

Doctor Strange (2016)

As we know, Marvel movies are like theme parks. Well, this work is no exception to this rule: colorful, dazzling, but still somewhat too simple.

The good Doctor Strange is forced to change his course due to a traffic accident (it can’t be emphasized enough: DON’T USE YOUR PHONE WHILE DRIVING!). A cool surgeon turns into a sorcerer.

Too bad that in the meantime, he doesn’t really win our sympathy, as he’s NOT A VERY PLEASANT personality. Thus, we watch his progress at the wizarding school with little interest – learning this profession (we know well from Harry Potter) can take several long years… Except, darn it, if you have a photographic memory because then you can learn Aramaic, Hottentot, and another 5 dead languages in 3 weeks, usually used to write spells.

Let’s not even talk about the evil enemy, Kruelcilius! Let’s just hint at his motivations: Imagine participating in a conference call, or, uh, Skype, with Hitler, Comrade Stalin, Mao Zedong, and Timur Lenk charmingly smiling at you, saying, “Hey, buddy, we’ve got a killer offer here that will make the world a much better place.” And you responding like, “okay, gotcha.”

Tilda Swinton in Doctor Strange screenshot

So, everything is too fast, superhuman in scale, and UNBELIEVABLE. That’s why you can’t take the whole thing seriously.

The only truly good thing in the movie is Tilda Swinton, the mother of the wizards. I dig his shiny noggin!

6/10

Doctor Strange (2016), action, adventure, fantasy (IMDb)
Director: Scott Derrickson, Stars: Benedict Cumberbatch, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Rachel McAdams

Unfortunately, the name Timur Timurovich reminded me of a joke that’s about a thousand years old, and for those under 50, it might not mean much, but well, here it goes:

Mashenka is walking in the forest when a whispering voice comes from a bush:
Mashenka, drop your panties!

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